Another night waiting by the phone.
Three days and no text back? I guess I have been officially ghosted.
*Jumps back on the most active dating app and begins a night of drunken swiping. *
Does this scenario sound familiar? The modern dating scene is really trash tbh, despite what our Instagram feeds displayed this past Valentine’s Day weekend. So who can blame a girl for choosing to be single? Yes, you can CHOOSE to be single. Compared to the past, a woman choosing to opt-out of this generation’s silly dating games is something to be celebrated. The weird stigma around being single has faded away and been replaced with a healthy sense of self-awareness. Women are taking their time to invest in themselves to grow mentally, emotionally, and financially.
Here’s four single ladies’ insight on what it feels like to be a single millennial woman.
ToniAnn – 26
I’d be lying if I said at times, feelings of loneliness do not creep up on me. We live in a society that glorifies love and all that comes with it. Every time you’re scrolling on social media, images and quotes about love saturate the feed. Every movie and TV show you watch includes some kind of love story. Everyone wants to feel and be loved. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. Being single has its downfalls, but it has made me stronger than ever. In the past, I’ve lost myself in love and later found myself by being by myself. I’ve personally never been the type of woman to feel like I ever needed a man, but once I fell completely in love with one, I depended on that love to make me feel truly happy.
As a result, being single has become so empowering for me. It has allowed me to put more time and energy into myself mentally, physically, and professionally and recognize the importance of self-love.
Often, we do not realize we are lost until we are found, especially after a toxic relationship. Life is stressful enough, particularly in our generation. We’ve lived through natural disasters, a Great Recession, terrorist attacks, pandemics, fights for racial equality, cancel culture, and so much more. Love is supposed to be the one true happiness in this life.
I have found that being a single millennial woman provided me with the opportunity to have one less thing to stress about. Instead of dissecting all of the reasons as to why I didn’t get a text back or wondering who the girl is that commented on his picture, I spend more time working towards bettering myself and my life. I picked up old hobbies again, I started a project I’ve wanted to begin for a while now, I exercise more, I eat better, I spend more time around people who bring out the best of me.
I worry more about myself than someone else and I mean that in the most unselfish way possible!
Now, this is not to say that all of this is not possible in a relationship because it is but only in a healthy one. I think that’s what my generation needs to focus more on, being healthy in love. Don’t be in a relationship because you’re bored or for your image on social media or because you feel like you’re running out of time. Be in a relationship because you have found someone who you can live a genuinely happy and healthy life with. Remember, being single is not your identity. I am not a single millennial woman, I am a powerful millennial woman. I am me.
Although I’ve found strength and happiness in being single, I still love, love. Of course, one day, I hope to be in a healthy and happy relationship. When that day comes, I will always remember that there is no stronger love in this world than self-love. You do not need validation from anyone else in order to be happy or to feel good about yourself. That comes from you & only you. Finding someone along the way is just an added bonus. Not if, but when, you find that someone, never love them more than you love yourself. Love yourself first. Love yourself the most. “In single” or in love.
Janneh – 25
So it’s good and bad. I don’t mind being single when I am living my fun NYC life, but it kind of sucks during a pandemic. I enjoy “serial dating” and meeting new people. In NYC, I feel like you have to learn to love that because, with so many people and so many options, it becomes an issue. If a guy doesn’t like something, he can easily bounce, but so can we!! So I’ve learned not to get too attached and roll with the punches. I have fun getting wined and dined as much as possible. But if things feel real and genuine, I’ll stick around.
Struggles : Like I said, being in a big city, everyone has TOO many options. If I was back in Tennessee, I would probably be married or something LOL, the culture is just different. I’m ok with not being married, but commitment would be nice!
Solitude in single : It’s fun, there are no attachments, and in NYC, it’s great because there’s a greater sense of freedom. I can go out and do what I want when I want without feeling the need to check in with anyone. I can have a new date every week, and sometimes I do! 😉
I’ve found greater strengths in my friendships. I feel like when I was so consumed by one man, I got so attached to it, and when things didn’t work out, I felt lonely.
But it helped me realize the things that are forever: the relationships with friends and family! It helped me appreciate what I HAVE, rather than what I don’t. The relationships that are often forgotten or taken for granted.
Ultimately I feel like being single to me is finding my happiness and needs and wants FIRST before coming together with someone else. Even when I find my mans, I want to still have this same independence and bond in my friendships and family. It’s made me want someone to ADD to my life, not consume it.
Tamara – 26
Honestly, being single helped me stay focused and grow. No matter how much we want to be running things with or without a man, the truth is men are distractions and require time, energy, food, and butt. I saved money not buying birthday, Christmas, random gifts. I was able to solely focus on me, my finances, credit, new apartment, and business and starting a new business. I’m healthy, have peace of mind.
Yeah, we would all love to have someone to share those accomplishments with, but sometimes I wonder would I have even gotten here if I was worried about a man and not completely focused on me?
I haven’t lost hope yet in finding someone. I just think maybe I need to be in the place to find what I want and need. That’s the motivation that helps me make strides forward.
Sahar – 28
What does being single mean or feel to me right now? That’s a loaded question, and to be completely honest, my answer varies from time to time. But as of late, it means freedom, peace of mind, and self-growth. I’m still discovering parts of myself that I haven’t before. Being single allows me to grow as an individual and live life by my own rules.
Being a single millennial and dating has been a struggle, especially when you add in the pressures of South Asian cultural expectations (I’m Pakistani, btw!). I find it so hard to connect with people now. We all live such fast-paced lives. We’re all so distracted and have endless options – it just makes it hard meeting people of substance and character.
If I asked my family, they would say I should have already been married with children, which is just insane! I’m nowhere close to that, and I wouldn’t want to rush my process to meet cultural expectations. When I was younger, I was in a long-term relationship that just left a bad taste in my mouth. I realized I sacrificed my happiness just for the sake of being in a relationship that I didn’t truly need at that age. I made it a point to never do that to myself again. I’m happy, I get to focus on my mental health, happiness, and career. I don’t think that was the norm for many women of past generations.
I sometimes get caught up in the fear that I’ll never find the special one, but I remember it’s just that – a fear.
For the most part, I’m truly enjoying my journey and have been making more of an effort to enjoy the progress I’ve made.
So yes we want babies, a big house and a beautiful white wedding but we’re also at a prime moment of our lives. Women of this millennia have so much ambition and drive that we’re too busy to be chasing a ring. Being single comes with thorns, but the self-love and growth you gain during this time are the most beautiful roses you can ever get.
How do you feel about the current dating scene? Are all the baby pictures from old high school classmates flooding your Instagram feed stressing you out? Do you sometimes feel a tad embarrassed being single and get pressured by your friends about not dating? Let’s continue this conversation about modern dating. Share your comments and opinions below!